Life In Lockdown - What Next?
It’s an understatement to say that the past few weeks have turned all of our worlds almost completely upside down. Where even a week ago the “coronavirus” seemed like a scary thing we could easily put in parenthesis, hear about from the news, and think that it would very soon be a passing news bulletin that we’d no longer be hearing much about. Yet, here we are on at the end of March 2020 and we’re all holding our breath for a few extra moments as we wake up for the day, wondering what new restrictions will change our life this morning.
News has become life, and effected us in a way that we’re not overly used to being effected in our over-informed lifestyles in 2020. We actually feel the effects of this and watch them grow every day like a tidal wave coming our direction.
While we know of its overreaching effects on life in the world of right now, none of us have any idea what this is going to look like in the coming weeks, months, or even years. For now, it means that a lot of you out there would be having your hands forced at making changes to plans that you’ve been making for what can sometimes be years. The change of plan in a wedding is usually inevitable, but we know how the stress of changes to this extent can be nothing short of distressing.
We’re pleased to note that we have seen many great things coming up from the concrete cracks of this scary time, reminding us of humanity’s goodness and the light at the end of the tunnel for much of the stress we’re experiencing at this present moment. We loved reading our friends over at Hello May give some abundantly reassuring and helpful information on how to approach the wedding process now that our plans are being changed day-to-day.
But we here at Mrs Fray wanted to lend some words to the situation and perhaps a helpful perspective to sit alongside your fretting, while you’re shlumping on your couch during some mandatory leave, rugged up in a fluffy blanket and a basket of worries, tabs of all your vendors open in your web browser and worrying about how to approach the phone calls you have to make next.
WHAT NOW?
We understand the number of Jenga pieces that go into the creation and execution of a wedding in the first place, so as the rules of the game are changing daily, we know the level of changes you’re being called to make could vary from very minimal to very great.
Some of you were gathering your 140 favourite people into a dining hall in three weeks time, so you’re obviously postponing that epic party for a later date and hoping the future plans won’t get sniped by the ever-growing effects of this pandemic. Others of you were having 60 people in a space that you’re currently trying to calculate the square meterage of to see if you can get away with it come June. For others still, you’re patting yourself on the back for getting a guest list down to 12 for your hilltop elopement that will still be going ahead in May. See? Different brackets of potential changes. When you’re juggling logistics, the uncertainty is the worst part, isn’t it?
So if you’ve decided to postpone and reschedule your wedding to a year from now, here’s a great idea: Why not take advantage of this natural guest list cut to enjoy the intimate wedding you were really hoping for but couldn’t get away with when all the mums chimed in? Make it a dinner party with 18 people, none of whom have vulnerable immune systems because you’re thoughtful like that, and nominate a date in a years time to have the big party you had planned in the first place. Best of both worlds. Start pulling apart the carefully knitted wedding sweater of plans you had going before (however heartbreaking it can feel for a moment), and reassess one stitch at a time if you had really wanted it there in the first place. Perhaps 2020 seems like a real jerk for now, but it could be doing us some favours in the way of getting our attention for some real demanding, priority-focusing life living.
Since we couldn’t see this developing the way it has and we can’t seem to get a handle on where it might end up, we suggest giving yourself enough breathing room for things to truly shake out. Maybe it’s postponing the wedding and it’s as simple as that. But that said, if you’re reading this while also listening to the sound of your heart breaking into little bits as your brain cries: but getting married right now is the only thing I’ve ever wanted - that’s okay! Perhaps a cute little visit to the registry is in order for you to get’er done while we wait for the restriction-less space to have a bigger party.
The point is, flexibility is your friend here, and variability is a lot easier of a pill to swallow when your perspective is continually in check.
Remember: you’re only here because you want to make a heart-rending, romantic gesture to the person who means the most to you in the world in honour of your love for them. That’s all this is about. Boil it down to that and sometimes things like table settings can quickly take a backseat in the mayhem.
WHAT NEXT?
So, you decided to postpone.
This can feel like a brick to the chest because the anticipation of a specific place on the calendar and all the lead up required is a lot to carry for a long time. But hear us when we say, beauties: This too shall pass. Let us take this opportunity of change for overall change for the better. Maybe scrap the detailing that you weren’t too keen on in the first place. Or those parting gifts for guests that you were about to buy but didn’t ultimately feel connected to the idea of them? Cross it off the list entirely. The one overreaching benefit from a life-jolting scenario like the one we’re all in now is that it gives us all the opportunity to assess our lives, our priorities and directions, and make a course correction if we didn’t feel like we were walking in the right direction.
Embrace the change, my loves, it will be so refreshingly worth it in the end when you end up throwing a well-prioritised, gigantic, fun party when the timing is right.
So, you decided to elope to the registry.
What a killer opportunity to celebrate twice. Seriously! Because how cute would a little registry do be (like Lauren & Sam’s cute Perth wedding shot by Natasja Kremers) as not only a cost effective way to wear more than one great outfit, but to also hack your guest list down to the size that you’d hoped it was going to be in the first place! We think tiny weddings are such a great way to go and restrictions on how many you can celebrate with sounds like the perfect way to do just that.
If you’re hell bent on getting married now, do it small and do it meaningfully. Then, if you’re a true party person who was holding out for that hundred person round-up, do it again in one year’s time only big!
So, you decided to call it off, for now.
In the wise words of our lady loves at Hello May, love is not cancelled. This isn’t the end, it’s not the end of your world or your relationship, or even the opportunity for you to have the wedding of your dreams. It just might change or postpone what you had on your plate for this plan, but it also might be a beautiful opportunity to start on a fresh, clean slate.
What BETTER?
This is your chance. It might be all of our chances, actually. It would be an easy move to look at the beginning of 2020 and label the decade with the dismissiveness of a season of life that didn’t start out smoothly; a missed expectation. We thought this would be our year! Our time! Our decade!
Well, perhaps it still is, but the easy ride wouldn’t set the foundation well enough to get us there in the first place. We propose that this doomsday-esque few months we’ve all been gruelling through is actually a beautiful opportunity for assessment, reassessment, and restructure. Whether we think about it daily or otherwise, most of us accept that we’re living on borrowed time for all the reasons David Attenborough has told us so (bless ‘im), so perhaps 2020 is asking us to be better and perhaps it’s about damn time we listen.
When this comes to weddings, there is a whole lot of opportunity for us to boil things down to the properties of this ritual that truly mean the most for us. I’m always astounded whenever I’m sitting in front of a couple about to get married and, when posed the questions about what means the most to them about the day, their faces are only overcome with bewilderment and overwhelm before they start reeling off objects that will be present.
As spesh as they are, take a deep breath and remember that this isn’t about a gelato cart, people. This is for better or for worse, in richer and poorer, April 10th 2020 or 2021 — this is our chance to mean it before we say it.
So. Take a moment. Pour yourself and your dearest one a glass of quarantine wine (that bottle from the tippest top of the shelf you’ve been saving for being shut in during the apocalypse), and charge your glasses to one another for not what could’ve been but what will be. And we look forward to seeing you on the other side when we get there.
To love, to life.
xx Amy & Andi
